


The World According To A Cabbage

by Pvt_Winters



Series: Pvt Winters' LWA short stories [12]
Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe, Diana is a literal cabbage, F/F, Friendship, POV Third Person, POV switch, Sad Ending, Short Story, because there's no room for it to begin with, consider this my redemption for Dianakko fans, inspired by the joke that Diana has cabbage hair, nothing remotely sexual here, that got turned into a human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-23 14:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pvt_Winters/pseuds/Pvt_Winters
Summary: She was just a cabbage that was just minding her own business. But one afternoon with an incompetent witch changed all that...
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Series: Pvt Winters' LWA short stories [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668910
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	The World According To A Cabbage

**Author's Note:**

> So most of you might remember the whole "Dianakko Week 2020 fiasco", where my entries for Dianakko Week 2020 all turned out to have misogynistic subtexts that I utterly failed as a writer to notice until someone pointed it out for me. As a result of that fiasco, I have soured much of the LWA fandom's opinion on me. After that, I even disowned my entries, and vowed never to write another fanfic based on a pairing I don't like (Dianakko in this case), ever again.
> 
> But as the case may be, I eventually got over my dislike of Dianakko, and even came to like the pairing after reading several fanfics about it. It eventually convinced me to give Dianakko fanfics another shot...
> 
> So consider this Dianakko fic as my redemption for fans of Dianakko.
> 
> This fic is also inspired by a joke I made on a Discord server that I used to be in, and the response that Shintori_Khazumi made to it on that same server.
> 
> UPDATE: However, I do need to point out that Shintori ONLY responded to that joke. He has nothing to do with the actual production of this fic. He requested that I untag him here, and I obliged. Shintori and I only (used to) share a Discord server. We have no close associations at all. I do follow some of his fics, but that's it. Don't let the shitstain that I got from my Dianakko Week 2020 entries drag him down, for it's my punishment and mine alone.

**Luna Nova Kitchen**

She is content with just being right there.

"There" being a fruit basket in the kitchen that she has been sitting in, minding her own business all the time. Even if she wanted to step out of the kitchen, she couldn't, for she has no legs.

She paid no attention to the various goblins and humans that have come and gone from the kitchen. Even if she wanted to talk to them, she couldn't, for she has no voice.

She watched as some humans would sneak in to the kitchen at night to steal some food from the cupboards, and then haphazardly stuff the food or pour the drinks down their mouth. Even if she wanted to eat or drink something, she couldn't, for she has no mouth.

But she doesn't mind any of those.

As a mere head of cabbage, she doesn't mind the inability to do anything a being with a mouth, a voice, or a pair of legs would be able to do. She has all she wants, being here in a fruit basket in the kitchen. The kitchen's goblin workers will regularly spray her with water to make sure she doesn't dry out and wither away. Overhearing the conversations that the goblin workers, as well as the occasional humans, have with each other, are enough to stave off her boredom. And she is happy with being stuck right here in the fruit basket in the kitchen if it keeps her out of reach of any pesky caterpillars or grasshoppers that would eat her.

For this cabbage, the fruit basket that she sits in, and the kitchen that the fruit basket sits in are all there is to the world.

That is, until one day, where a human woman she has never seen entering the kitchen before came in to remove her from her comfy fruit basket and took her out of the kitchen, with her unable to resist the "kidnapping"...

...

**Luna Nova Sports Field**

Akko stood in the middle of the Sports Field, waiting for her mentor to show up.

She wandered back and forth on the field, wondering what is taking her mentor so long...

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Akko!" A voice called out to the brunette.

Akko turned toward the source of the voice. "Professor Ursula, I have been waiting for you!"

"I had to go pick up something." Professor Ursula told Akko, then gestured at the cabbage she is carrying.

Akko eyed the cabbage, not sure what her mentor plans to do with it. "A cabbage? Are we practicing with that?"

"It was the only thing I could think of at the moment..." Professor Ursula said awkwardly.

"Well, at least I have something to practice with." Akko reassured the professor. "So, what am I going to practice today?"

Professor Ursula used her free hand to wave her wand, creating a small pole in the middle of the field that she then places the cabbage on.

"Well, Akko, today, we will be practicing your Transfiguration Magic." The professor said as she returned to Akko's side. "To start, let's try turning this cabbage into something else."

Akko readied her wand. "But what should I turn the cabbage into?" She asked Professor Ursula for clarification.

"Anything will do, so long as it stops being a cabbage." Professor Ursula informed her.

"Anything?" Akko turned to look at the professor.

"Yes."

Akko turned back toward the cabbage, focusing her sights on it as she tightened her grip on her wand.

 _Okay, what should I turn it into?_ The brunette thought to herself. _Should I turn it into gold? No, that's probably too advanced. Charcoal? No, let's not try something that could burn. How about stone? Wait, that's probably an entirely different spell..._ She continued to go through all the options she could think of before settling her mind on one. _Okay, let's try ice. That seemed to be the easiest..._

Having made up her mind, Akko focused on the cabbage, mentally picturing it getting turned into a block of cabbage-shaped ice...

Then, chanting the incantation for the Transfiguration Spell as she pointed her wand at the cabbage...

Only for a puff of smoke to shoot out of the tip of her wand.

Professor Ursula can't help but giggle at the dramatic moment that ended in failure. Akko, on the other hand, wasn't amused by the failure at all.

Akko repeated the incantation and pointed her wand at the cabbage again. Once again, the wand released a puff of smoke.

The brunette then repeated it for the third time. Then the fourth time. Then the fifth. The sixth... No matter how many times she tried to cast the spell, her wand just released a puff of smoke.

"Kuso!" Akko cursed as she became frustrated by the repeated failure. "Why isn't it working?!"

Professor Ursula stepped up to offer Akko advice. "Well, Akko, maybe you didn't picture what you want correc-"

But Akko is too frustrated with trying to get her spell to work to hear the professor. "Just _work_ already! Turn that cabbage into anything! I don't care if it's dirt, air, or metal! Heck, I don't even care if it is turned into a person-"

At that moment, a large burst of magic shot out from Akko's wand. The magic flew toward the cabbage at a high speed and hit the vegetable, causing a huge explosion of smoke that knocked both Akko and Professor Ursula off their feet.

Akko coughed a bit as she got up shortly after. "Oops, I guess I overdid it this time..." She then said.

Professor Ursula got up and, disoriented by the explosion, shook her head a bit before readjusting her glasses. "Well, that is certainly something..." She noted the explosion that Akko accidentally caused. "I hope this isn't a repeat of the Mushroom Monster Incident..."

"Let's hope I didn't create a Cabbage Monster this time..." Akko shuddered at being reminded of the Mushroom Monster Incident. That was not a pleasant thing for her, or anyone, for that matter...

"I'm not feeling any tremors or hearing any roars, so maybe it's something smaller this time." Professor Ursula said. "That said, we should clear out the smoke and assess the damages done..."

With a wave of her wand, the professor blew the smoke away.

Once the smoke has cleared out, both ladies could see that there isn't a "Cabbage Monster". Though the cabbage itself has also disappeared, while the small pole it sat on is still standing.

"Hey, what is that?" Akko quickly noticed something unusual, and directed Professor Ursula's attention to it.

 _Someone_ laid on the ground right behind the small pole, with their face down on the ground...


End file.
